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Humorous Stain Removal Guide

Just Kidding!

Here’s a handy guide to getting out those pesky fabric stains:

Blood: Spill more blood around the area of stain so it won’t stand out as much.

Ink: Fall to knees and plead, “Why, God, why? Why dost thou test me so?”

Grass: Write the name of your liquid detergent on the stain. Wash. Hold up to the camera, and show off the unbelievable results.

Mud: Place a large iron-on NASCAR patch over the stain. Apply heat for 60 seconds.

Grape Juice: Rub stain vigorously with a wet paper towel from the restroom while saying, “Oh, &%$@ … %$@&.”

Coffee: Rub cream and sugar into the stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy rich, robust coffee-stain flavor.

Wine: Apply a mixture of 1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to yourself until you no longer care about some little &%$@ stain.

Chewing Gum: Using a permanent marker, draw a dotted line around the stain. Cut carefully on the dotted line.

Nail Polish: Nail-polish stains are actually quite lovely. Why not leave them in for a pleasing “home-crafted” look?

Bleach: Insoluble. Burn down the house.

Monday Night Ladies
In 2011, our county had a bad flood. These are some of the brave people that helped with the clean-up.

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